Sugar’s Film Review: The Happening

Right… what to say?

Today I was privileged enough to be able to see a Hollywood blockbuster. I’d seen several previews for ‘the Happening’ and it looked pretty basic. Initially I assumed it was about crazy aliens or something similar coming to Earth and killing everyone. It was much worse.

Basically it was a silly free for all kind of plot- and by that I mean there was none. But from what I could understand- we followed a family who were trying to escape a biohazard terrorist attack on the North-eastern coast of America. Pollutants were released into the air causing the citizens to kill themselves. Whilst escaping, the family got cornered by the disease (along with several others) in a paddock. The plot turned for the worse when a crazy guy said that the trees were responsible for the deaths and not terrorists… and according to the main character; this makes more sense than terrorists. It played out similarly to the Monty python sketch where old grannies attacked hoards of young fit defenceless men… common theme: they are both ludicrous.

Yet somehow I can still watch Monty Python. (Main character) played his role as the hero embarrassingly and was not backed up by any other actor. The script did not help him in any way; but good actors can make bad parts special. Even the best scene was hardly believable.

In trying to capture the essence of an Indiana Jones film, the director had the characters running away from a slowly approaching wind that would kill them all. This has never happened to me so either wind is very sneaky, or the writers were hopelessly searching for something with substance. Releasing this movie to the public is going to have the same effect on the human race that the trees had… it is going to increase the suicide rate on a global scale.

Just for making me laugh I give it…

*/*****

-Sugar.

Billy’s Film Review: Hancock

Hey people. It’s been a while.

This year, a great deal of superhero movies have/are about to come out. What we must ask ourselves is which of these has stood out? What one has set the bar that all superhero movies must aim to reach?

Hancock was not this movie. In fact, it was Iron Man. And mark my words folks, come July 17 a new movie will take this crown. That review is for a later date.

What we have with Hancock is a fantastic premise. And I honestly thought it was. The idea of a superhero that is foul- mouthed, alcoholic and generally an A grade asshole is quite intriguing. The problem is the direction that Peter Berg and Co. took with the movie didn’t pay off. The movie is a complete and utter mess.

And I came out of the cinema entertained enough. The fatal flaw in the movie was the instigation of an extremely convoluted plot. The movie, minus a few missteps, starts off quite well. We see a down and out Hancock who everyone hates, and the publicist that wants to turns his life around (played wonderfully by Jason Bateman). After the good set up, everything goes awry. Hancock and the publicist’s wife (Charlize Theron), constantly exchange looks toward each other which are painfully corny, and make the reveal heading towards the end of the film quite obvious. And there’s the kicker. Despite it being so obvious, they wait until the latter half of the film before they explain how on Earth these two are related.

Another issue: Even if the audience managed to buy into the storyline, it is terribly explained and executed. Besides that, what they come up with is so incredibly silly that I would have preferred that Hancock was involved in another toxic spill, or yet another bite from an exotic animal. This attempt to look outside the square is simply ridiculous, and when you think about it pretty much makes no sense.

Will Smith does a good job. I’m not going to criticise him. He was pretty believable in the role, and quite a good choice. In fact, most actors in the film are quite good. However, I do have my qualms with Charlize Theron. Quite frankly, I thought she was the weak link of the three main actors. But they all do try their hardest with the material that they’re given.

Another thing people have tried to explain to me is that “This isn’t a superhero film; it’s a parody of them.” Sorry, but it’s not. This is a film that desperately wants to be superhero film. It isn’t a parody in the slightest. Why? If it was a parody, the last half of the film wouldn’t have been so ridiculous.

I’m sure majority of teenagers that came out of the cinema think it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. However, I came out of it more critical, and I think for good reason. Despite all that I still came out of that cinema entertained. And that’s enough for me to forgive some of the film’s flaws. But it can’t forgive them all, because since I walked out of the cinema, thinking about it made me like it even less. This isn’t your formulaic summer blockbuster, I’ll give it that. But just because it’s different doesn’t make it good.

4/10

-Billy Bunter.

Billy’s Film Review: Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Hey everyone,

Going into the movie I knew what to expect. Many of you know I am an man of my reviews, and one the has 85% on Rotten Tomatoes makes me think it’s gonna be a good film. However, my expectations left me disappointed.

Just kidding, folks. Forgetting Sarah Marshall actually managed to exceed them. This was a well made, and ultimately, hilarious movie. Sugar loved it even more than I did. He wouldn’t stop laughing the whole movie. Upon its finish, he even claimed “I think that’s the funniest movie I’ve ever seen.” I could end this review with that line. I hope it would convince you to see it, I really do. But, I won’t do that. Below I made statements about the Pineapple Express and similarities to Superbad. Well, FSM is similar again. It’s produced by Judd Apatow. (who produced or is producing both of those films. He is a comedy film god at this present time. He has a hand in most of the comedy films that are released these days.) Jonah Hill also has a supporting role in this one. The similarities end there, but you get the idea.

I’ll give you a quick rundown. Peter Bretter (Jason Segel) is dumped by Sarah Marshall, a big TV star (Kristen Bell). He was very attached to her, and becomes very depressed. So, he goes to Hawaii to get away from it all, where co- incidentally Sarah is also staying, with her new boyfriend, Aldus Snow (Russell Brand, almost the highlight). Then he meets a receptionist Rachel (Mila Kunis (2 babes in one movie)), and the movie goes on from there. Supporting cast includes: Bill Hader (which made me very excited), Paul Rudd, Jonah Hill, Billy Baldwin and JASON BATEMAN! (I basically shat myself when he came on screen. I wasn’t expecting it. That’s how much I love Arrested Development.)

I could go into what is funny about this movie. It would be a (even) longer winded review and you’d probably get bored. Why? Because reading about what’s funny will ruin the joke for you. And this movie is full of them. And if you’re a sex fiend, there’s like 20 sex scenes. Don’t you think that’s worth the price of admission alone? And Jason Segel (he’s in “How I Met Your Mother” and wrote the script as well. Pretty good for a first time effort) appears fully naked. Let’s not go into it. I will go into how bad a movie is so it will convince you to not see it. But for great movies like this, all I can do is tell you to see it. And I don’t want to ruin it for you all. In conclusion, Forgetting Sarah Marshall could actually rival The Pineapple Express this year for best comedy film. And I’ll be honest, I didn’t see that coming. I leave with one quote.

“It’s gonna be tough for her to re-enter the pageant, without a face.”

Thanks for reading.

9/10 (That means you go see it, if I didn’t make it clear enough)

-Billy Bunter.

Billy’s Film Review: Superhero Movie

Good evening,

Billy Bunter here. I recently had the pleasure of seeing “Superhero Movie.” Do you know it? If you do, you’ll know that calling it a pleasure is a bold stretch. This movie is not a “Meet the Spartans” or an “Epic Movie,” but hell, it’s up there. And personally, I think it’s a real shame. Superhero Movie was directed by Craig Mazin, who wrote for Scary Movie 3 and 4. These weren’t masterpieces, but they weren’t that bad. In fact, I liked Scary Movie 3 a lot. David Zucker produced (and he directed those two Scary Movies) who is the master of parodies I guess you could say. He directed years ago the classic Airplane! (Known as Flying High down under), and is know for his parodies. But, I’m sorry to say this time, they took it too far. It’s like leaving a chicken in an oven for too long. On the outside, it looks horrible. You have to go digging through it to find the few edible (or funny) parts left. Believe me, here there were few. I could tell you the plot, but all you would have to do is watch a Spiderman movie.

Seriously, thats basically the plot. Spiderman, with a few (silly, mind you) X- Men or Batman references thrown in. Personally, I find the biggest problem with the movie in this. A parody should not just retread so closely to the source it is parodying. It should borrow elements from the movies. After all, the movie isn’t called “Spiderman Movie” and the name Superhero Movie you think you suggest that it is parodying the genre, not mainly one movie. If you can get over this, it isn’t very funny either. The issue is what David Zucker and co. has decided to do with the parody genre. What is that you ask? Make another Date Movie, Epic Movie or Meet the Spartans. (Note: these movies were made by two fuckers named Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg who were “Two of the writers from Scary Movie.” The shit they make is much worse than this.) But what they have done is copycat them. It doesn’t get any fucking lower than that. I can also assume they did this because those movies sadly made money.

They copied via devices such as the random pop culture references, that I’m sorry to say aren’t funny at all. MySpace jokes aren’t funny. Same with Facebook. Same with Ipod. Same with Windows. THEY JUST AREN’T. Could they please stop the madness? As I said before, this is actually better that those terrible films, which is a relief. There are some funny scenes. Where do they come from? LESLIE NEILSEN! He’s the man. The man could make a funeral funny. This is where he may as well be in this film. Actually, that’s a little harsh. There are some other funny scenes: one involving two girls, one cup (which absolutely no one else in the theatre understood, while the three of us sat there laughing), Stephen Hawking and some others.

So, it is kind of funny in parts, (Also: Shooter McGavin is in it. Great guy.) and it’s better than the two dickheads (Yes, I have one serious grudge against those two. They are ruining modern film. They are also making money in the process. How do they sleep at night?). However, I’m sorry to say it just isn’t very funny, which is the movie’s sole reason for existance. Personally, after this recent streak, I think it’s time to give the Parody genre up. But that won’t happen until they stop making money. So we’re in for the long haul. And, realistically, this movie is merely a small blip on the emourmous parody genre radar. Thanks for reading.

3/10

-Billy Bunter.

Sugar’s Film Review: Caddyshack

Fellow Readers,

This was a classic! I put this in the DVD player last night hoping for it to put me to sleep but I was wide awake for the full 94 minutes.

It really is the golfing equivalent of Happy Gilmore. The movie started and ended in style with a tear away gopher causing havoc around the greens. The Groundsman (Bill Murray) is sent out on to the course to deal with this problem and gets himself into many sticky situations including (but not limited to) blowing up half of the golf course. Bill Murray plays his character extremely well, removing himself from the usual sarcastic type roles we know him for.

When he is not on screen, the other characters and story lines in the movie bring about their own sorts of brilliance. This all-star cast includes Chevy Chase, Ted Knight and Rodney Dangerfield. Haven’t heard of these names? Well… shame on you.

But you may be excused as this film is just a tick under 30 years old. Don’t let that deter you though! This isn’t one of those old black and white garbage films. This is quality. When the film isn’t making me laugh, it’s providing me with naked women. Quality. Although the storyline was a little tricky to follow, I will not detract any marks because it is hard to follow a story when you’re laughing so god damn much! Trust me: this is one to watch.

*****: 10/10: Two Thumbs Up!

-Sugar

Billy : I present this year’s “Superbad”

Hey everyone,

As some of you may know (however might not recognize) I was onto Superbad months before it became utterly hilarious and entered the ranks in popular culture. What first put me onto it was Michael Cera, who was in Arrested Development.

Seeing him in this new movie (along with a regular director of Arrested Development episodes (Greg Mottola)) immediately appealed to me a very long time before everyone decided Superbad was hilarious. Anyway, this story lead me to this post, because I am confident there is a movie which will follow the same path this year. Below I will post the trailer, because it’s fucking hilarious and looks epic at the same time. Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you, The Pineapple Express:

Two faces to recognize: Seth Rogen, who played one of the cop is Superbad (what a coincidence) and James Franco (Harry Osborne in the Spiderman films) to top it all off, the movie is produced by Judd Apatow, who directed and 40 Year Old Virgin, and produced Superbad (another coincidence). Now I’m damn confident the movie is going to take the same path as Superbad.

An unknown film to most merely weeks before it’s released, followed by becoming immensely popular to the teenage crowd, which every Dick and Harry reciting their favourite phrases from the movie (omg u chngd ur nme 2 mcluvn lol). And that’s not to say it shouldn’t happen again. Superbad is still a great film, and I have no doubt this will be too. So, whilst I do urge you to see it, which is around August and September (the Superbad coincidences come in again!), when everyone starts quoting it, know that I predicted it. Thanks.

-Billy Bunter

Sugar’s Film Review: The Other Boleyn Girl

Hey Everyone,

After paying my $11 and watching approximately 5 minutes of this seemingly boring storyline, I have to say I was actually quite impressed!

Not by the movie (as I previously stated I watched 5 minutes), but by the interesting goings on between my female companion and I. Not many people were seen walking into Cinema 11, as the boring storyline probably threw everyone else off as much as it would normally have thrown me.

But amazingly I found that “The Other Boleyn Girl” was the most exciting movie I have been to this year. The background noise of the film perfectly set the scene for the two of us with moments of calm, violence and heat all being used effectively and timed perfectly. I recommend this film to all those who want to get some action out of the house. If you want to watch this movie for “the film’s entertainment” then you should probably not. I mean if the boredom of the movie doesn’t kill you then you are obviously getting some action!

The movie was not without controversy though. During the last few scenes Natalie Portman is beheaded, and that made me MAD. To the writers of this movie I say: FUCK YOU. The golden rule when it comes to good films is: “Don’t behead the hot chick… ever!” Apart from that I have no complaints…

2/10

Think that’s bad? Well maybe if there were 10 bases it would have gotten higher!

-Sugar

Billy’s Film Review: Crank.

Going by our Sugar and I’s logic, the first question I have to ask myself when watching a film like Crank is one thing: Did I enjoy it? Well, people, I’m here to inform you all, that yes, I enjoyed Crank. I enjoyed it a whole fucking lot. Other questions you could ask yourself are: Does it make sense? Not really. The acting is not particularly great either. You could easily make this out to be a bad film. Really you could, and it wouldn’t be difficult.

Intelligent Conversation between two guys about Crank.

“Dude, Crank sucked balls. It didn’t make any sense. How can this guy keep surviving? No one can act either. Also, how the fuck do energy drinks up your adrenalin levels?

“You know what buddy, go to hell. Crank was the shit. I don’t care what didn’t make sense, it was full of kick-ass action. In conclusion: FUCK YOU.”

I am of the opinion of the latter fellow here. For those who aren’t aware of what Crank is, it is about a hit man who is injected with a poison that will kill him if his adrenalin levels drop. Therefore, he has to do crazy shit in order to survive. On paper it sounds ridiculous. On the screen, it’s even more so. What crazy shit would I be referring to? Well:

- Pointing Guns at people

- Shooting People

- Fighting in helicopters

- Riding motorbikes

- Drinking energy drinks

- Snorting cocaine

- Snorting nasal sprays

And this is amongst some fairly standard stuff such as having sex with your girlfriend in public. Nonetheless, this guy is willing to do anything in order to survive. The guy is Chelios, played by everyone’s favourite transporter Jason Statham.

The interesting thing is, there isn’t much to write about it. It’s a guy doing crazy shit for 80 minutes. Hey, wait a second, isn’t there a game where you just do crazy shit, for as long as you want? Yeah, for people who need more convincing, Crank is like playing GTA for 80 mins. Except better because well…it’s real.

In conclusion, watch Crank or play GTA, like I could give a shit. However, Crank isn’t a terrible movie. Not by any stretch of the imagination. It doesn’t try to make itself out to be anything more than an action movie, and that’s all it is. It’s one done well, I’ll tell you that. Thanks for reading, people.

7/10

– Billy Bunter

The Grand Introduction.

Good evening folks,

And Welcome to Reviewing with Billy Bunter! With A Pinch of Sugar!

Before we begin the reviews, we would like you to ask yourself… Why is it that thousands of people are enthralled by the advice of some old coot (the modern day film reviewer) who informs people what films they should watch?

Unfortunately for people like Billy and I, it is very hard to find work in our industry as we do not fit the extensive job description set out below:

1. Are you aged between 75 and 100?

Fulfillment of this results in your own nation television show or column in the Sunday newspaper.

We have taken it upon ourselves to find work, and to save you from pointless, shitty and boring reviews. We have created this blog, so you don’t have to be succumbed to these reviews anymore.

The problem with the reviewer these days is that they believe movies are a thing to be broken down in to tiny pieces, with several cross- examinations and so on. We are here to provide you, the viewer, with honest reviews from two guys who don’t go to a film to analyze it. We watch movies to enjoy them, and so should you.

I suppose if you want to see the first format of film reviewing we mentioned then please tune in to ABC on Wednesdays at 10pm (Disclaimer: We are not plugging the TV show).

Movie Reviewing 101: Be an Old Coot.

But if you want to stay in touch with 2008, then this is the reviewing site for you. Trust me kiddies, that Santa Claus (The old bloke above) only hands out fucking boredom. We are currently not in a new depression, and we don’t want to feel like we are slipping back into one whilst watching those two!

Please, take a look around, enjoy the site and say NO to another 20 years of boring reviews.

The choice is yours.

-Sugar and Billy